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| Back...? |
| 01.31.07 (6:10 am) [edit] |
Time for back here... I know didn`t wrote by long time, but think that if I truly want to leave my country, I should practice my english so here we go ;)
But don`t want to write about. Point is: woman are strange. I know it sounds a bit odd `cause I`m a woman indeed, but tell me... It you told somethink to men like you like him for example- he`ll accept all you told and don`t need assure about that again and again. But no woman. She would to hear she`s beauty and loved in every day, every while again and again. I hate that part of my nature. I don`t think it`s by complexs or thinks like that, it`s just odd part of woman nature but how stop that?
By tell: I like you so much, day by day? Don`t think so... The most important it`s find straigh and selfacceptate and trust in ourself, but are days when we awake and don`t feel any friensdhip and trust in ours hearts. Aw... hate days like that :/
How it`s possible that so clearly think creatures like mans want to be with so compliced creatures like woman...? It`s kind of masohistic behave ;)
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| `Something simple like a smile could be the most important thing...` |
| 04.01.06 (2:06 pm) [edit] |
`I never imagine that something simple like a smile could be the most important
thing you bring to somebody`s else life`
Yes... I don`t know if I write this correctly `caus I listen this clause on movie and I wrote this by ear but... hope so :) It was `Smile` movie. Did you saw this? It`s not too serious or ambition movie but it make me cry and laught in this same moment... It`s kind of movie that floving you happies-drop ;) So hard to explain... but this movie gives me some kind of `happy-peace`. Have exist somethink like this :) ? By the way... It gives me some beautiful while...
I was trying to understand myself throw last days... understand what I really want and need. But I`m not sure about it... But on the other side... If I don`t try to realize my dreams- I`ll be regret this to end of my life, isn`t it?
Hmmm... Lately I talk with my english friend throw ICQ (yeap, ICQ is very nice way to practice english language :P) and we talked about bed-buddys. I`m not a child but... I can`t imagination myself that someone could make sex without love. Alright- I can hug my friend when I need to be close somebody or I can kiss them (I never try `caus I`m a very faithful person and I`m in relationship, but I think so that I could do that), but make love????? Yea... it`s not love... Whenever- Simon (this ICQ friend) told me that it`s a normal reaction for hurting by someone. People whose make bed-buddys was hurted in the past so they don`t want to take risks the next pain- and they prefere bed-friends. I can understan this but... Meaby I`m too romantic person? But I believe that no matter how deep is our wound- someday, somehow it scar up and we`ll find the place and person who make us happy :)
PS. I`m really angry that my english isn`t enought good to showing myself in this place... I can`t truly write what I thinking `caus I still thinking about my weak gramma, and that I need so many words whose I looking in dictionary when I write... ;(
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| `Prozac Nation` and some conclusions... |
| 03.25.06 (1:50 pm) [edit] |
I saw this movie today evening. It was... Lizzie`s story aren`t my story but she thinking, she feeling just like me. It`s like... I`ve been watching my things whose someone take off my mind. Sounds paranoic? I hope so not :) I`m definitely not paranoic person but this specyfic king of sense this world around... It`s just like me.
`Lizzie: I just keep thinking that if I could just be normal... if I could just get out of bed in the morning, everything would be okay.
Doctor: Well, what do you think normal is?
Lizzie: Most people, they cut themselves, they put a Band-Aid on, keep going.
Doctor: And what do you do?
Lizzie: I just keep bleeding...`
I know that the most importand thing on this movie is to show our `prozac nation` but... it`s really so big problem with all this medicaments? This is usa-movie so it`s the most probably that it looking different that in poland.Whatever. I was never take prazac or other `like this` stuff but to be seriously with myself. All this `english` things on my mind are very similar that this `tablet which give happy` `caus it`s a some kind of escape too for me. It`s hard to explain :/ but I hope that you understand me :)
I know that if I want to realize my dreams I should sitting and practise my english `caus I see that it`s very weak :/ but it`s so hard to mobilization myselt to translate all this worlds and try to remember this... brr :/ OK, you could say that I can sitting and chating on ICQ on english but... it`s easy to flirting and talking who I am and what`s I like, but conversation like this is banal and not teach me anything more that I know :(
I don`t know what I should to do :(
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| I don`t know if all what I wanna to do is good- but I wanna do it.... |
| 03.23.06 (2:46 am) [edit] |
Yea, I don`t know. I feel like a small, scary girl on the other side- on second I`ll wanna change all my reality. Still thinking about to leave my whole life in Poland, and departure to England, esp. London. I don`t know why... but every day- I want it more and more.
I spended on english side last evening and I found many work-offerts for pople who finished study like my. I know that I`m good studend, I know that I implement all needs this company like AutoCAD attendance, but...
But I still thinking: `Anna, your english is poor, you aren`t enought good to to this...`. I have 24 years old and I cares myself throw last years and everyone around me are sure that I could be whatever I wanna to be. But I`m full of fears and disputable :/
I don`t know what to do... It`s better to sitting in Poland with having peace work and life or better leave all what I know and go to realize dreams...?
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| I come back... |
| 03.19.06 (1:50 pm) [edit] |
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It was over year ago when I wrote last time... Now I come back. Why? Something crazy and unreal thing was creating on my mind. This thing is so strange and stupid, so I shouldn`t thinking about it but... Funny, stupid girl. I want to change unreal thing for real... and I need exercises my english to do this. It`s hard to understand? I know. But it`s too early to say something more...
Take your thumb for my lucky... :)
I promise to write often now :)
I listen `Wiseman` by James Blunt- this song have taste like my strange, stupid think...
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| For all world you`re nothing, but is someone for whose you`re all world... |
| 06.03.05 (2:22 am) [edit] |
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My exams period... It`s a principal cause that I don`t write here. This week it`s a way form one exam to another, but when I`ll be have more free time- I catch up on :)
Besides this... I saw `The interpreter` today to relax myself... Movie like movie, but one reflection: is someone who is above others, who bid others, who displace draftsman on the political board of this world. One move, phone, press button and houndreds, thousandth of people die... children, adults... innocents. And what`s he did? He`s only press button something, only said something. This peple whose die- he don`t know them. This is like to be exist huge precipice between him- someone whose creating his political theory on his beautiful apartaments, and poor people whose die by this theory on neglected districs...
It`s so easy go away with resposibility...
On the other side... What is happiness? It`s a possible to take of this on material things or other people? Today I heard: `You know, it`s nice to see you smiling, I miss this pose on you- this joyful `caus I always remember you like a optimistic person`.
So it`s looking like this that it`s true that my boyfriend have afflicting influence for me :/ He`s busy throw his exams period and we haven`t time to talk, and I`m joyful like never... Becaus is good... Results of my exams are so good that it`s suprise for me :) , patriciping plan of my magister labor take positive suprise and full applause with my professor, and on the beggining of july I`ll arrive on the Ukraine for the week :) And on my computer speakers are sweet, old songs still and I keep smiling to my mug with mint tea... On this while: Mr. Big `Not One Night`... :)
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| Beggin and dream.... |
| 05.20.05 (12:58 pm) [edit] |
So... I decide to write english wersion of my polish blog... Why? I think that my englist is very weak, so I shuld exercise it. I`m sorry for all mistakes on this side, but I hope that this blog trim my english ;)
By the way...Today note without special contest. I write only to write...? I don`t thing so... I sitting in my room, the coffe vaporousing in cup, I have afternoon lessons today and my things is roller around dream whose I had this night. This dream was long, but I had on memory one fragment of them: I was sitting on the slope cover by throw high grass, was evening and was someone opposite me, who play on violin for me... This melody whose play was so beautiful that one thing when I wake up, was to find this... I remember cold evening and impetuous wind whose pull his hair and grass...
I was wake up, plug in my computer, and I began looking for this song... It was that like... I belivae that if I find this, my dream was create on reality... But...`Serenade` Schubert, `Cannon In D` on violin, John Williams `Violin solo` play by Itzhak Perlman, `Night In the Land` Nightnoise, `Adagio` Secret Garden... All this production are beautiful, but anyone is this correct that looking for... Though, every from this contain part of this music from my dream...
So I`m dissociating, and I hug my cheak to pillow and I have pictures from my dream under eyelinds. And... I know where I can find boy from my dream... But if I meet him, did I don`t take off beauty from my dream...?
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